Happy Hump Day {{first_name | Toaster}} 🐪 ,

Being liked has always been a survival strategy for women. Long before performance reviews, Slack reactions, or “culture fit,” women lived in hunter-gatherer societies where social bonds were the difference between safety and starvation. Being liked increased your chances of being fed, protected, and kept within the group. Social exile was dangerous - our nervous systems remember this.

Fast forward a few thousand years and the stakes look different, but the instinct hasn’t gone anywhere. We still feel it in our bodies when we sense disapproval.

Social connection isn’t a “nice to have,” it’s a health issue. Research consistently shows that chronic loneliness is more damaging to long-term health than many risk factors we talk about far more often. Humans are wired for belonging, so of course, women care about being liked and socially accepted.

Where it gets messy is when being liked quietly morphs into being over-accomodating. Nice women are likeable. They don’t rock the boat; they’re polite, pleasant, and palatable. Somewhere along the line, connection got tangled up with compliance.

This is where the nice girl tax shows up - the hidden penalty women pay for being agreeable at work. It looks harmless on the surface - being flexible and easy to work with, saying yes, picking up slack, absorbing tension so no one else has to feel uncomfortable.

But over time, it adds up. Nice girls receive more work and less credit. They’re trusted with execution, not authority. They’re rewarded with appreciation instead of promotions.

Because women are socialized to value connection, we often pay this tax without realizing we’re being charged. We tell ourselves we’re being collaborative when really we’re being overlooked. The desire to belong starts shaping behaviour. We soften our opinions, we preface ideas with apologies, and we hold back curiosity, imagination, and dissent because they might make things awkward.

When you’re constantly managing how you’re perceived, there’s less room to experiment. Creativity doesn’t thrive in hyper-politeness, innovation doesn’t come from never making anyone uncomfortable.

Here’s the reframe we’re working with: you don’t need to choose between being respected and being human. We shouldn’t have to trade authenticity for approval, and connection doesn’t have to be built on self-erasure.

You were not wired to disappear. Belonging that costs you your voice isn’t belonging. The safest rooms are the ones where you don’t have to be ‘likeable’ to stay.

Team Toast 🥂

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